Tuesday 13 January 2009

The One After The First Gym Session

After the disappointment of week 1 of my training, I sat down yesterday and gave myself a good talking to. Normally when I try and do this, I get bored quite easily with what I have to say to myself, so I always make sure I’ve drawn eyes on the back of my eyelids with a felt-tip pen in the event that I drift off to sleep, so that it appears that I’m always awake and alert and I don’t get offended by my own disinterest and sloth. Clever eh?

Yesterday however, I had absolutely no problem listening to the wise words I had to say to myself in that low, husky (but smoke-free) register that makes the young girls sing (or is that the songs I write?). To further keep me motivated, I placed this photograph of my nephew Tommy by my desk at work so he can hypnotise me with his hypnotic eyes and remind me why I’m doing this. The result is that I’m now feeling a bit more optimistic about week 2, especially as I’m slightly ahead of the game… yesterday the plan said ‘Rest’ but last night I went to the gym.

Some people told me I should avoid going to the gym on a Monday evening between 5pm and 8pm because it’s always very busy with regulars and pretty people as they try and work off their weekend excesses… “Oh, I really shouldn’t have had that fifth Ferrero Rocher at the Ambassador’s do on Saturday night.” It was certainly mobbed around 7pm on the night I went for my induction so last night I turned up at 8.15 hoping I’d have the place to myself. Although not empty, I was pleased to see it was occupied by what looked like less showy newcomers so I felt right at home. For those interested in such things, here’s the cross training plan Leann and I devised last week, Leann mainly…

(i) Exercise Bike: 10 minutes at 80rpm (3 mins at level 5, 2 mins at level 7, 3 mins at level 6 and 2 mins at level 8)
(ii) Treadmill: 22 minutes (2 mins at 6kph and 20 mins at 8kph)
(iii) Cross/Elliptical Trainer: 15 mins (3mins at level 5, 2 mins at level 7, 3 mins at level 5, 2 mins at level 7, 3 mins at level 6 abd 2 mins at level 5)
(iv) Leg Press: 15 rep x 40kg x 30 seconds x 3
(v) Calf Raise: 15 rep x 40kg x 30 seconds x 3 (watch out for low swinging udders)
(vi) Stomach Curls: 10 rep x 3

No, I’ve got no idea what all of those numbers or abbreviations mean either which is why it’s all loaded into the magic key that makes the Dalek machines work all by themselves. I have to admit I really quite enjoyed the ‘workout’ last night and there was a moment on the treadmill listening to Beyonce’s ‘Crazy In Love’ when I was convinced that all the other newcomers and I would dismount simultaneously from our equipment and sashay effortlessly into the video’s perfectly choreographed booty-throbbin’ routine. Luckily, the lateness of the hour diluted my embarrassment somewhat when I was the only one who leapt into the middle of the floor and started a-shakin’.

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